onceived in 1998 by Dr. Vittorio Tiputti, the resort took nearly three years to build; certain custom-made items had to be thoughtfully designed and precisely installed. Dr. Tiputti wanted the resort to reflect the care and consideration of someone who suffered the same affliction as the guests to whom he wanted to cater.

Comfortable and airy furniture guarantees no moist entrapment of odors.

he thirty-room luxury resort rims the Italian Riviera, offering guests a relaxing environment, specialized spa services, multiple bubbling pools, highly perfumed gardens and music piped throughout. Dining is primarily al fresco.

latus Extremis is an affliction that has a profound effect on millions of people around the world; no one knows for certain the exact count, for it is a syndrome that causes embarrassment, humiliation and fear. Sufferers have been alienated from their co-workers, forced into isolation, unable to function in social situations. Dr. Tiputti had overcome a lifetime of humiliation and had accepted his fate; his dream was to share his peace of mind with others in the same situation and to offer a respite where they would be at home, among friends, free of the shame they felt in other situations.

Balcony railings were set at optimal venting height

r. Tiputti and his team of designers scoured the globe for the perfect furnishings and fittings. Light, airy fabrics were used throughout the resort, including special mesh comforters so air would not be trapped under the bedclothes. Balcony railings were set at optimal leg-propping height for utimate venting, and wicker furniture was selected because of its porous construction and imperviousness to odors.

ll of the design and planning could not have been completed without the assistance of Dr. "Skip" Carstensen, a renowned authority on flatulism. "Intestinal gas," he claims, "like death and taxes, is part of life." Dr. Tiputti's mission was to make that life more enjoyable for those whose "eruptions" exceed normal limits. For all intents and purposes, he has succeeded.

omplimentary "self-help" seminars are included for guests of the resort (see below). Online booking saves guests an additional 5% off of the already reasonable rates, and of course there are seasonal specials.

The special "Toot Tamer" cushions and open iron grillwork of the dining chairs are ideal.

" relaxed for the first time in my adult life," claims Scott Weinberg of Minneapolis. "It was so nice to be among others just like me, with no sense of being different. I loved those chair cushions in the dining room, and the loud music playing everywhere."

Mrs. Hunt of Miami is happy and relaxed.

"he best thing for me is that ALL the pools have bubbles," says Mrs. Martha Hunt of Miami. "I used to have to stay in the Jacuzzi all day but now I don't have to cook like a lobster!"

n part because of the success of Villa Poola Finga, Dr. Tiputti is opening two new resorts in the Americas. He has just purchased a tract of land south of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to develop Casa de Cutelqueso, and in the bucolic countryside near Cowansville, Quebec, Canada, where he plans to open Château du Vent.

FAMOUS AUTHOR SEMINAR

or obvious reasons, this is a completely non-smoking environment. Also for obvious reasons, this whole thing is an April Fools joke.